Sadness, Hurt, Life, & what’s goin on with me

( I wrote this on Tumblr and cross posted to here)

So, as you can see I have very few readers on Tumblr,prolly cuz I don’t promote it like I do my WP, I also have a Blogspot Blog, that one is a BDSM for beginners or just the curious. I have neglected all my blogs lately, partly due to my career, just finished shooting a music video and froze my piddly ass off, I live in Saskatchewan, Canada, and it is very close to winter here it is currently 4 degrees here and raining.

I been having relationship issues, I got hurt cuz of a clueless 20 something sjw, I was having a conversation on FB with a transman, I am actually very knowledgeable about trans issues and the medical side of things, I am also older and wiser than the know it all 20 something, that is twice that little bitch went after me unjustly, the first time was over something that was going on with my then Daddi, my Mamma and me, needless to say that bitch cost me my relationship with my Mamma twice.

there won’t be a third time cuz if she ever talks to me or even comments on any of my social media I will fly to the USA and give her a very physical attitude adjustment, sad, I really truly cared for her and thought of her as my little sister at one time, she is either one of my Mamma’s littles or a friend, I don’t personally care cuz that is none of my business and I am pretty sure my Mamma knows not to have me in the same building as that little sjw twat.

I brought that up because, yes I am back with Mamma, who I truly love and want to marry ( I can do that because this is Canada we don’t have the same hang ups as the a tad backwards USA does)<<<not being an ass, just stating a simple fact>>> but because of that little dumbass sjw, my relationship with Mamma is very different, it’s strained to say the least, we don’t talk much or spend much time together anymore, I don’t think I am as important to her as I once was, this last separation I actually removed my collar, I know that really hurt my Mamma, I also know it was very disrespectful and wrong, I keep hanging around hoping things will turn around, but I fear we drifted too far apart now, but as long as there is hope then there is a chance to save us and our relationship.

I am really lonely, I live out in the countryside and am quite isolated. my Mamma lives in the USA, if I want to see her I have to travel to her, I can’t at the moment because the US border is very hostile to Canadians, I don’t think Americans are aware of just how bad it is, trump lost his frickin mind when Canada would not back down from the USA, he lost his little tarrif war, that hurt the USA far more than Canada,so he declared Canada a National security threat….because of the war of 1812… yup, you read that right. lol So now the US Border are behaving like total dicks to Canadians.

I HAD a Daddy who is also an American, and he couldn’t travel, again that falls on me 😦  he is a new Daddy, I was his first little, I usually do NOT get involved with inexperienced people in the BDSM/Ss/DDlg/MDlg communities at all, I have been in the BDSM world for decades, I am not some young naive girl, I have a 17 yr old son and was married 18 years (my partner is deceaced)… He got too possessive, I am polyamorous, I am also pansexual, neither of which he seems to be able to understand, and he really messed up bad by pointing my actual age out to me and told me that women my age don’t change careers and become strippers… WTF!, for the record I have a body that puts most 20 yr olds to shame, tho I am small chested, but I am all natural, so yep his ignorance really destroyed me to be honest, that may sound rediculous to everyone else on the planet, but then, you don’t know my history or what I have been through in my life that would make me that sensitive about my age.

I really don’t have any selfconfidence anymore, he took that away from me, I only had self confidence since July 2017 when Angie dated me, she built me up and her friend DK was a massive help, again you wont understand because you don’t know my history, September 2018 he got mad at me, said very hurtful things and now here I am stripped of all my confidence, I look in the mirror all I see is ugly now, I quit pole dance class, I was in them for exercise and fun and have been told by the instructers that I would do well on a pole in a club, I wanted to do it, why not? but that won’t happen now, Im too ashamed of myself again.

so he isn’t my Daddy now, I am just a friend, he still loves me, I tell him I love you to just to shut him up, I don’t hardly talk to him anymore.

So, as I said earlier, I live in the country, I am isolated, and very lonely, and I am sure no one will want to be with me now, cuz lets face it, Im not some 20 something year old eye candy anymore and that is all everyone wants, you get above age 35 and your fucking life is about over unless you are married, doesn’t work like that for men, the older they get the more handsome and attractive they become, goes the opposite way for women, I havent had physical contact with anyone since the beginning of June, I don’t mean sexually, I have toys I can get myself off, I am talking hugs and cuddles, just to be held, that wont happen either, so yeah, I am lonely, very lonely, and yes it hurts, but it is what it is

even though I accepted that I will never be hugged again anytime soon, sure doesn’t take the hurt and lonelyness away. I do struggle hard finding reasons to make it through just 1 more day, I just hide it well, if I can make someone else laff even for a few minutes so they momentarily forget their problems then it’s worth it, makes me feel good to help others and for a few moments I forget how lonely I am, also makes me forget about my lack of self confidence, maybe things will be different next year, I am going to move to Calgary Alberta, maybe in a large city like that I might meet another lonely soul that needs a hug too.

I don’t know if I will stay in the BDSM DDlg community now, jeff is right im getting older so I dont see the point anymore, maybe its time to just walk away and go searching for someone to cuddle with which is wishful thinking on my part, I wont get hugs those are for the younger people, I have my guitars and my career ( music industry if you hadn’t figured that out by now) so I guess that will have to do, I don’t even want to do that now, I lost the passion for music, for life, I simply exist now, I keep working cuz I have my son otherwise I’d jump in my car and just drive to nowhere in particular just drive, I’d abandon my house and everything in it, but I cant because I have my son back.

Sorry for the depressing post, and for the length, it is my journal after all,

Leslianne (Skye)

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Holy Mackerels, that was a long time gone!

Eeepp!! sorry!!, been gone a long time I know, I would like to say I was off ruling the world but I didn’t get the chance to take over, my right hand stuffie mutinied!…Leroy the Lemur… he mutinied n tried to take over my plots, I fixed his ringed tail! I gave him to my subsister jannie… he’s her headache now, I got a lamb stuffie in trade… it’s an evil lamb… this time for sure I will take over the world!!!

No, I have been goin through lots of stuff,and I have been sick most of the summer, that sucked, I was in Italy for almost 2 weeks, was supposed to stay a month but it didn’t go well for me so I came home 😦 all by my lonesome, and then got real sick, my first Daddi came and took me back to her home n made me stay there til my own Daddi got home 3 weeks later

lotsa personal issues too, Im not sure of how to word that stuff so I am gonna have to talk with my Mamma first cuz I wanna get it right always, lotsa people don’t understand littles so I don’t wanna get anything wrong n have the haters crap all over me.

I have 5 followers!! hiya hiya hiya hiya hiya!

also I lost my password to this bloggy n got locked outta my dum gmail so that didnt help me none.

ummm so yes I will be posting more, maybe I will pick up that 30 days of little space again just go from whatever day I left off I guess, n I remember Mr. Ethan! so I will go reblog some of his stuff too ( he writes a lot of educational stuffs about littles n Daddy Doms n Caregivers etc) n I am gonna go lookin for other littles to follow maybe I can make a friend or somethin. n also I am gonna pester my Mamma mercilessly to write in her bloggy…. she always distracts me with snuggles n I forget what I wanted to pester her about… she does this always, n I just keep fallin for it… Mamma snuggles are the bestest… really they are!

ummm guess thats it, oohh I will leave a Meme here so if anyone wants it just take it n use it 🙂 ( I made it myselfs)

I made this!

 

k so thats all I have to say, I will post more cuz Id kinda like to get some more peoples followin , littles n middle n pets n Daddies n Mammas n Caregivers all would be wickid cools…. but anyone too as long as they’re nice n not mean!

 

K, nites

Skye xoxo

Please Don’t yell at me, I didn’t mean to…..

I can be good honest

I can be quiet really

I will change  who I am for you I promise

I am tryin my hardest

I know I am bad

I am sorry

Please Don’t yell at me

Sky

Love Hurts sometimes right?

 

Yes it does…

just random stuff about my piddly @ss life

ahahahahaha

so… it is April 5th and it is colder than a nuns c*nt on Sunday!! oh and there is also 4 feets of snow  in my yard….winter hit Sept 21st 2017… it is now April 2018.. count the months that is a long frickin time for winter!! n I am slowly going Nucking Futs!! Cabin fevers is an understatement.

So Daddi has learned how to get in and out of my nests, yes I build nests the one on the bed is for sleeping duhh.. the one behind the futon is my escapes, sometimes I will build a nest in the middle of the living room so I can watch scooby doo n have a nap.

some little build blanket forts, I build nests, I have no one to build blanket forts with right now, Megan might come live here with me, she is a little to, I kinda hope she does, would be nice to have someone to play with.

I went on a mini shopping sprees n got some real good stuffs, from both eBay and New Frog  and Wish , I am learnin how to budget shops, I never was one to spend oodles of money on stuff, except for guitars, I  spend a fair bit on that cuz music is my profession, so I think guitars are exempt from the above comment cuz they are my tools of my trade, I dunno, makes sense to me!!  here you can listen to the theme from Titanic on one of my steel guitar, I made this for my sweet sub-sister jannie awhile ago songs for jannie #3- Titanic , I been playing a lot of years, I want to buy a Bass guitar, just a cheapy and learn to play that as well, well I am sure I can play it now, how much different can it be from a standard electric lead or rhythm? yes I know Bass guitars have 4 and/ or 5 strings as well, I have never picked up a Bass and tried it, I want to play it like Lemmy did ( MotorHead), I don’t expect to ever be really any good on Bass cuz like I said, I have never played one, but want to try!!

on the humorous self inflicted oopsies… I really fudged up my right eyebrow darn it!! got the left one looking really nice and botched the right one, thank heavens for bangs! I orders a clear glossy nail polish that hardens your nails, cuz I habitually break them, playing guitar, or when I am playing with my toys ( lego’s tinker cars, etc.) << you pervs ahahahaha, anyway yep it works, I will have to go back to eBay and get the name, cuz there is no writing at all on the bottles, just hearts.

so that is all I got to say it is 5:30 AM and Daddi C will be home at 7 ( from work) so I want to showers n be ready

have a splendiferous day everyone

Skye

I am the happiest little on the planet & How to Traumatize a village n become the talk of the town n a naughty cartoon *laffs*

First, a song…

my Mamma loves it, n my Daddi does NOT, cuz it has a swear n I am NOT supposed to swear, n I can’t get dead if I am just innocently singin along to the song n I say the swear right?… right!! … ( loopholes… I knows loopholes).. I should be a frickin lawyer for littles… I would be paid in cookies and milks.!!… I’d be a great littles lawyer. I has a 100% guarantee they’d get their bum’s spanked by their Daddies or their Mommies.. or even both!!  for the next thousand years!! …( looks at Mamma n Daddi, That was NOT a challenge!! )

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Good song huh? easy lyrics to sing along to!!

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So, I am in a splendiferously good mood and have been all day cuz, after 1 year a year n a half  maybe more like 2? Ohhh no!! I don’t remember when I met my Mamma!!eeeekkk!!

Anyway, after however zillion years I has a very very special gift…  Mamma got me a collar, a purple one!! cuz its my favoritest colour in the world, she got it from Restrained Grace, I think it’s n Esty store, I dunno, I found em on Facebook tho! Anyway, it is the softest dead cow I have ever had!! it is so comfy I forget it’s there, Daddi says it only comes off at my bathtimes and to clean it n then it goes right back on, cuz to take it off otherwise would be disrespectful to my Mamma, I may be a Brat but I am a polite one, I will not desrespect Anyone, Dom, sub, vanilla everyone. And In case you are curious, I wear Daddi’s ring.

I am so happys, now I just gotta work real hard to earn and deserve the second one, n that will happen whenever it happens, n the third n final is a long way off yet… So, Thank you Mamma, I loves you xoxo

Here if some of you don’t know the signifigance or meanings or that there is actually 3 collars a sub gets not just 1 ( I can just see littles everywhere chokin on their cookies after reading that there is 3 not just the 1 ) ** laffs**

Different types of collars n their meanings

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++ Get’s up on my soap box++ … I got sumfin to say before we get back to the fluffs …..

I just wanna say, something and I am judging no one, maybe I am old school and I strongly disagree with Caregivers simply giving their littles or kittens a collar without them having to earn it.  I do find it offensive and actually feel very hurt seeing collars being handed out like cotton candy  😦    as I said I respect everyone and would not confront them about it, but I would not take the Dom that just handed one to their sub without the sub earning it very serious or I may ignore them altogether only interacting when needed and doing so politely) … n some people are gonna get their panties in a bunch over that but that is how I feel,

I would feel very sorry for the submissive too cuz if she don’t know that is actually wrong, then she is probably ,new and she is most likely not in a D/s relationship like she believes she is she is most likely  being used as someones f*ck toy by a predator.. n littles are easy targets for them 😦 … or if the Daddy is new as well.. he should at least know better, you research this stuffs n you ask questions, you earn that title Daddy.

I see that happen all the time, specially on that Google + not a single BDSM group especially the DD/lg groups have any real Doms n Daddys in them. there is frickin 15 yr old kids in there advertising themselves as single and wanting .. OMG!! Don’t do that!! the men in there are usually 40+ yrs old.. and the wanna be subs n littles are easy pickins.. it hurts my heart so bad n scares me I can’t even go near Google +

++ hops off soap box++

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So, anyway, Daddi decided that Mamma’s collar should be put on me in public… in the Vanilla public.. in a villige of just 500 people… n she proceeded to do just that! she put it on me and said loud enough for the world to hear…  Don’t you ever take this off without permission that would be very disrespectful to your Mamma…. if that didn’t turn me red enough, she turned me a deep crimson red because I had to answer, yes Daddi, thank yiou Daddi loud enoughs for the world to hear!! ( humiliation is acceptable to me so don’t choke on a pacifier)…

ahahahahahaha

So… this is the 3rd time in 5 years I have become #1 news for the villages, online Gossip page, n you could hear the telephone wires light up!! ( figuratively).. n yes Daddi did that to me deliberately. Revenge is mine sayith the little brat!! Mwahahahaha… I already has my revenge set up for tomorrow when Daddi comes home from work.. about n hour after she goes to bed I am gonna check n make sure she’s asleeps.. n then tape a lego block to the bottom of her feets!! Mwahahahahaha

This village has been Traumatized by me .. again!! ++laffin++… tell ya one thing for sure, when I move away they will never forget me, I will be a f*cking legend here for the next zillion years ahahahahhahaha

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so that’s all I have to say  for tonights, sweet dreams all

and Mamma, sweetest of sweetest dreams (n wet ones too) ++laffs++ n thank you so very much, I will NOT take it off I promise, I love you xoxoxoxoxo

Skye xo

 

scrambling to catch up.. again!!

Hiya to my new followers n welcome 🙂 really happy you’re here, I like always having new friends n stuff.

K, so umm Mamma??… sorry for not writing…  I do have 2 very plausible reasons for being so tardy!! one of them is the correct reasons the other is nots… you choose which is which and we will go with that one okay?

Plausible reason #1 … My  Evil attempt to take over the Universe failed cuz my frickin evil Minions (stuffies) Repented n Mutinied!! I was trapped in my room cuz they got mean and were on the other side of the door, thankfully they are too short to reach the door handle or I woulda been a goner for sure!!… but they weren’t counting on cats!! my Evie gets cranky when she can’t get into the bedroom to sleep with me, so she backed those traitorous stuffies into the other room so I could escape, I closed that door too trappin them in the guest room!! n when Daddi C got home from work, I hatched a revenge plan while having my milks…  asked Daddi for help hanging my stuffies on the wall cuz I’m not allowed to go near the container of thumb tacks since the incident ( that is a story for another times.. and its actually true!! ask Daddi!!) …anyway, Daddi said okay (cuz it wasn’t too hard to get Daddi wrapped around my finger.. kinda like you are ) <<snickers>>… ehem I mean I loves you!!.. so Daddi thought we were just hanging stuffies on the wall but in reality I was crucifying each n every one of those traitorous stuffies!! … cuz I’m evil!! I need a new army of stuffie minions now… Ceil the evil bunny is my loyal guard and guards me while I sleep!!

Seee!! I has lotsa stuffies so it is very possible they actually did mutiny!! that is not even half of them, that is all that would fit in the camera… gotta watch Leroy the Lemur, he is a shady stuffie!! don’t trust Lemurs, they are nuthin but troubles!

crucifying them might not have been my smartest thots cuz umm… now they all stare at me … n I can freak myself out n scare myself easily cuz I keeps thinkin they are gonna get me!!.. the futon in the livin room is good to sleep on when I get too freaked out… now I gotta tell Daddi I needs those stuffies moved to the guest room so they can scare Jojo or anyone who stays over… we will just leave the scarin guests part out tho!! cuz what Daddi don’t know won’t get me corner time!!

Plausible reason #2… after fracturing my brain tryin to answer that question a day post of that Mr Ethans, I completely abandoned that for the time being cuz I am sure those questions are either some sort of heinous torture cooked up by an evil genious .. or they are a form of punishment for whoever he caught doin somethin and I am NOT doin someone elses punishments!! pfffttt!!.. seriously Mamma.. go to his site n read them for yourself…Aaaackkk!! what am I saying!! rule #1.. never give Mamma’s n Daddi’s ideas that can be used against me laterz!!  wait NO don’t do that… that site is off limits to Mamma’s n Daddi’s okay? … I will find you a beneficial (to me) site to visit.. yanno, one that is all about spoilin the crap outta your little !! .. loves you!! xoxoxox

oops distracted.. umm reason #2 .. Daddi works graveyards at the warehouse n that leaves me home alone at night n so I stay up all night n sleep with Daddi during the day otherwise we would never see each others, and I have had to adult lots lately … that absolutely sucks rocks n other things!!… I don’t adult well at all 😦  .. so while adulting I gotta earn my munies, it’s either I finish my projects I have been hired to do n get paid or don’t and not get paid,and ruin my reputation and name n right now I am earning American Dollars!! I am makin munies extra cuz 1 American dollar = 1.24 Canadian.. I’m makin an extra 24 cents cuz American dollars are worth more!! ( which is why when I am on stage I only get paid in American Dollars.. or Euro dollars) those are worth even more than American dollars!! ( I might be blonde and dippy but I am not stupids!!)… so when adulting I am earning munies!! I have managed to finish that porn sound track, that only took me 3 months to write and record two 30 minute epic guitar solos at 1/4 speed… cuz its soft porn, so I am gonna be in a porn movie kinda… its my music so I am in it without bein there!! … and I did this porn movie one for free, cuz I actually like that Mr.Man, he is a Daddy so he gets me, but we are jus friends, and it’s gonna stay that way, I friend-zoned him Mwahahahaha.. I just like talkin to him and he makes me laff, n I make him shake his head lots n laff…and he is the first one that I have been just friends with .. which is good cuz I have only been with 1 other before Daddi C… I don’t Daddi hop. it’s nice to know I can be friends with one and not have to sleep with him, yanno, he is the first man other than puppers that doesn’t want to sleep with me.. its an odd feeling but I kinda like that.

So anyway (distracted again sorrys) the research was fun, and I killed a lot of energizer bunnies!!  Mamma I don’t think I have watched that much porn in my lifes!! at least 3 hours per night.. wow, I needed to get a feel for porn music cuz I was given 2 instructions .. play your guitar at 1/4 speed ( cuz he knows I’d rock the sh!t outta that movie if I wasn’t kept on a proverbial short leash!!) and I was also told non of that Boom chickin chickin brown cow stuff eithers!!,, so I had to research to figure out what porn music is. & I have been talkin to that author who writes erotica n is using me n my life as her main character ( about a girl rocker who falls on hard times and has to do some very naughty stuff)… it will be fact based erotic fiction, I hope she gives me a nice first name ahahahaha

and lastly I have been just talking (for now) with Nuclear Blast records ( they are in Germany) you probably know of them cuz Sabaton, Dimmu Borger, Nightwish, Hammerfall etc all record on that lable I was given an interesting proposal … there is a band that I can’t name right now (for obvious reasons) that is interested in getting me to join, and they are going through Nuclear Blast to talk n such.. Mamma I am tempted, but you know I am burning out and not wanting to be on stage often anymore, I just want to have my teaching studio and teach peoples to play guitar n keep working at the music studio here, I like being a studio musician much better, I don’t have to adult there!! … perk of bein a musician.. I can get away with being as weird as I desire.

so that is my 2 plausible reasons.. you pick whichevers  n we will go with it… and if you choose plausible reason #2.. then I was most likely watchin 2 much porn n killin those energizer bunnies in the name of research!! <<laffs>>/// turns red.

ooh I did the Godfather theme on guitar Mama… cuz I annoyed Daddi n was asked if I wanted to sleep with the fishies… I was inspired you might say!! <<blinks>>

The GodFather Theme, on my Frankensquier n Washburn amps

Mamma, I just realized my birth name is on every music player or in the title of each song I share!! ack!! … well I guess thats okay as long as I never get dumbz and use my stage name, I can remain a nobodys in North America Mwahahahahahahaha

luvs you Mamma  xoxoxo

Skye

Holy Mackerels!! Im way behinds

k, obviously I am not a good time management keeper or maker, I don’t even wear watches, cuz they get in the way of cuffs, n I lost 2 having them taken off so the restraints can be put on so screws it no watches for me!!

I just spent the last hour creepin that Mr. Ethan mans bloggy n he has a thing about journals written out it’s a good thing I guess huh? to have a journal? you do know this takes me away from my stuffies n play times right?

mood wise im okay, im happys n suspicious of both Mamma n my new Daddi cuz they’re in cahoots n won’t tell me what they talk about! … I just know my new Daddi is getting me safed n ready for Mamma… no one tells me nuffins!! like the fact I had a Daddi long before I was aware, and that I really should not be referring to her by name or by calling her Dorky.. or telling her if she was a Dinosaur she would be a Dorkus Rexus .. or a Likalotapus!! yanno you would think a friend or a Mamma would say something like, hey you do know Chriss is your new Daddi right? .. how come everyone but me knew?

and I has 99 problems and people are all of them grrrr!!… so, I finded myself, Im not 100% girly girl foo foo femme.. more of a femtomboi ( that was actually my screen name for over a Decade!!)… I am rebuilding my life and pickin up where I left off at age 27 ( bad stuffs happened before n after that year)… I was really girly back then, now … not so much at least not yet, that is subject to change as I please so pfffttt… so ya a  kinda girly tomboi that smells nice n likes shiny things n avoids sports n other crap tada!! …

and here’s the problem… all the foo foo femmes on the planet ( at least 2000 of them thru my primary bloggy) … all remember the Uber Butch me… n not to brag but they were all bonkers for me, “admired” me… huh huh, kinda flatterings actually, n I wasn’t trying to tease them or flirts I was focused solely on my then wife and had no clue I had girlys trippin over themselves to get me to notice them ahahaha ( I got game I didnt even know I had sheeesh!!) and Im just me nuffin special n below average in looks… they all mutsa been sniffing their nail polish or somethin!! sheesh!!… so whats the problem? well I am not Butch, I don’t want to be, n I still have femmes chasin my piddly @ss.. n I guess I still have lotsa Butch energy or sumfin cuz I am a femme magnet … this is not good, its flatterings but scary, cuz I dunno why they are chasin me, I dont do anything with them or flirt with them…

I use that butch tude to keep mens away at bay cuz they think with their dickys, not their heads… and they won’t stay away…  they find that attractive.. a girly who can hold her own <<blink blink>> wtf?? and even worser… Butches wanna play tap that @ss with me !!** puts butt against the wall**  and this isn’t just an I only deal with this online, I deal with this in the real world too so I has people problems ** hangshead**… I gotz 99 problems n peoples are all of them!!

n I been in lotsa trouble with my new Daddi, cuz I gots 2 new Amps n been rockin the guitar instead of doin my chores n lessons n stuffs… but but but… my Dommy Types don’t understand… listen to me, music is in my soul n I get off on Rockn Roll n just drift away….. <<smirkies>> it’s true.. n for my single journal follower other than my Mamma … here this is what my new Amp sounds like…  My New Guitar Amp n me rockin Heart’s Barracuda with my super custom Fender Strat

so thats it, Im goin out to gets an icecreams n peanut butter so I has snacks when my new Daddi is at work cuz Im banned from the kitchen << hangs head>>

luv, peace n chickin grease!!

Skye 😉

ps.. I never forgot about the question a day thingy… I am just not doin them right now cuz they almost broke my brain .. I will do those laters I have those questions saved… n the more I read that Mr. Ethan Man’s bloggy ( DD/lg training somethin or others) the more I am convinced he writes to deliberately drive littles batsh!t ahahahahaha